God I'm only one person! I feel like there's a million things I have to do. A million things I WANT to do, and a million things I should do not because I want to but because I should. And then I can't do all those things, I can't meet all the people I should meet, and I can't love and pray for those that I want to and should, because I'm just me. Just one hannah. Just one. Not ten, not twenty, not a million. Can i just not do ANYTHING for one day? Am i allowed to? I feel guilty if I do, or if I even want to. And then there's the people in my life whom I do want to spend time with. But i feel like I can't because I should be doing something else, like studying, or hanging out with the lost, or praying by myself for the lost. It's such a weird feeling. I feel as if a part of me has died this quarter even though I see life all around me. Life is just brimming but a part of me has died. Are these what you call sacrifices? Is this what you call the flesh? Because I surely do not like it. I refuse to be an emotional wreck, but I think this is coming really close. It's so much that I can't even cry. I just... want to STOP time. STOP everything. STOP people, STOP thought STOP emotion STOP.
but that's only one part of me.
The other part is GO. GO studying GO bible study GO hang out with people GO prophesy GO pray for healing GO seek revival GO to all day training GO GO. And while I go, I'm okay, it's just THIS moment of pausing to look back at the trail I left behind... and realizing the things that have been left out. Are these sacrifices too? CAN THESE SACRIFICES be stopped? or is this the way it's supposed to be. Am i selfish to think these sacrifices are too much? that it's nothing compared to what Jesus did for me?
then why do i feel so crappy?
