Nostalgia Attack

Nostalgia. It's one of those feelings where you're not sure if it's from God or not. At first it's a really good feeling, especially if you have a vivid memory and can easily slip into the realm of your mind. The laughs, warm-happy fuzzy feelings you get throughout your whole body triggers so many memories and so many emotions attached to those memories. Once the sequential timeline of your memory elapses to the moment of parting, saying good-bye, pain, etc..., the emotions jack-up a notch higher into the tier 'take caution' because you might shed a tear or two. Now you're probably convinced that this is an attack from the devil because suddenly you feel like crap. You hate your mind for bringing you thus far in your current condition, because you know the purpose for your life here at this moment at this place was God-sent and a great destiny awaits in you, YET these nagging, actually stabbing thoughts of the past punctures rude questions all over your mind asking stupid questions like "what if", and slowly whether you begin to notice it or not, your mind is deflated of all hope and optimism and perhaps this is what being 'emo' really means. As Deborah Kwon puts it, "don't we all want to punch Nostalgia in the stomach?" For me, I won't go so far, I just want to slip into the memories that Nostalgia brings up in my mind and make them come to life even if it's for a few seconds.

Nouvelle appartement!

Je vais beaucoup étudier ce week-end. Je voudrais être rester à la maison mais j'ai beaucoup travailler. Je ne sais pas si je vais avoir le temps. J'ai l'examen de Français I sur lundi. Plus, demain mes amis avec moi vont explorer notre nouvelle appartement pour ensuite l'année. Un appartement prés de la fac est très cher. J'espère nous avons un bon appartement. "Pink Palace", il est un appartement nous aimons, mais la caution et le loyer est très cher. Mes colocataires avec moi aimez ce appartement.... ahh Maintenant j'ai commencer mon devoir plus étudier. L'ennui est moi!

Like a Child

So, I've come to a conclusion that if the energy and time I spend on unproductive-facebook-wanderings/stalking was reduced to perhaps half at the minimum, I could potentially blog everyday. How sad, I know, but sometimes the realization of your own sadness is the only way for you to change your lifestyle, that, and the conviction from the Holy Spirit of course.

While looking for apartments yesterday, I realized that suddenly I didn't want to move out of the dorms. Not that I don't want to apartment with my lovely apartment mates, but the idea of moving out into an apartment carries along so many other responsibilities and feels like the gateway to all 'grown-up-ness".
From my freshmen year in high school to the middle of junior year I'd wanted to grow up so fast. My composure and the way I forced my mind to think was very 'old' and "mature" - according to people around me- and when I reached the end of my junior year I realized I really didn't have to grow up that fast and began to act like my age, a silly 16 year old who cared about nothing but catching the best waves at the oddest times of the day and hosting bbqs by the pool. The turning point of my realization that it's ok to be a child was also very sad. Like I said before, once the scales that have been blinding your own pathetic-ness has fallen, it is so much easier to change. Now that I'm 20, I feel the pressure of being an 'adult' creeping ever so slyly over me. I just want to be a child forever. But what is it really to be "like a child"? No responsibility? Honesty? No worries? No doubts? No trust issues? taking naps? haha <-- idk about that one.
Whatever the definition of "being like a child" entails for you, just be one anyway. I believe in maturity, but I also believe in being a mature child. Like a child, I come before God and say Father I don't know anything. I can't do anything. I just want to play and sit on your lap and laugh and cry. I'm completely vulnerable and there's nothing I can do to protect myself, I just need You. My lifeline is You. Feed me, take care of me, play with me. That's all I ask. And if you send me on errands I shall take them as missions and fulfill them to the best of my ability not that I can please you, but simply because you are my Father and I want to do what must be done. How cool that You the God of the universe wants to partner with me in the greatness of which you have planned.

赵润娜 的新日记

上星期二过了我的生日。 朋友们真是爱我。 榭榭大家。 我永原忘不了你们。
我已经 二十多岁了。 时间 太快过去， 我想想看 上个 二十年去那儿呢？ 一寸光阴一寸金，寸金难买寸光阴。。。 我希望 这年， 我的时间 可能 都 给 耶稣基督. 耶稣基督的 爱 只能 让我给他 我的完全的时间 跟 心。 我希望 用中问 让人家知道 世上最好的人。所以 我就写下来这些日记。 中国朋友们别笑我。 请您帮我练习我的中文， 榭榭！