I think I failed. and that makes me a failure

A girl in my Chinese class committed suicide two weeks ago. I found out yesterday. Her name was Renée. I met her last quarter. We exchanged numbers and said we'd eat. She was a third year transfer. I liked her. A lot. And thought she was my next "witness". We talked about next year, and how we might live close to each other. That was the beginning of the quarter. Two weeks ago, I was busy. I ditched class to go to six flags, I had bible studies with 'good soil', and I had other 'things' to do. I had a lot of fun. And now she's gone.
She's gone.

I've been fasting meat. And last night in my way of retaliation to God and the devil and the world and myself, I stared at the breaded chicken in Deneve and deliberately wanted to break my fast. Makes no sense at all I know. The breaded chicken wasn't even 'meat' enough to be worth breaking my ultimate fast i thought, I contemplated calling David to take me to an expensive Korean BBQ place. That would do it...
But she's still gone.